There are times that I am thankful that I’ve never been married or had kids. Those times arrive when I listen to the horror stories of my friend who has been divorced for some time but continues to deal with an abusive ex-husband because they have a child together. While I won’t go into great detail about her case, because I want to protect her and her child’s privacy. I thank god that I do not have to go through similar problems.
I have often regretted not marrying or having children, but I also think that it could still happen. I am an optimist. I like to have faith in humankind. I like to think that there is still a man out there for me. I am almost 39 years old and I know that some people have often wondered if I was gay because I haven’t married and have not really had a significant other. Maybe I should mention that I am stubborn, I don’t intend to ever start a relationship that I believe will not end with death in old age. I’m not saying that other people start a relationship intending for it to end in divorce. I have strong feelings about relationships; I don’t start something that I think has a possibility of ending with hurt. One could say that I am overly cautious and afraid of being hurt, but no one man has ever made me feel comfortable enough to step out in faith.
At this holiday season I reflect and regret that I don’t have my own family to share Christmas with, but I also rejoice that I don’t have a child that is struggling and shuffling from one home to another. I reflect on the togetherness of my own growing up years that I could always count on having my own family around me together. I do regret not making my own family as an adult.
