I graduated from Western Oregon University on December 11, 2011. It might seem strange to some people that right now having that diploma does not comfort me. I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the thought of not having a goal hanging over me that in my mind must be completed. I never realized how goal orientated I’m am, but I feel lost. They question that keeps repeating in my head is “What do I do now”. While I am happy and feel great accomplishment for having completed what I set out to do, I’m also frustrated. I’m frustrated because I don’t have a plan for what’s next. This blog is not meant to be a venting of that frustration, but I needed to write about what I was feeling.
I have spent so much time and energy focusing on my goal to complete my B.S. in Education that I don’t have much of a life outside of school. I don’t have a family of my own, no significant other and no real prospects of one. As proud of myself as I am, I’m feeling sorry for myself because I have no one to share this great accomplishment with. I’ve cut so much out of my life just to stay focused on college, that now I regret in some ways the sacrifices that have been made.
As I mentioned the frustration is not all I feel. I feel a great sense of accomplishment and pride that I have graduated from college, not many people have completed college. I want to do so many things, including teach children. With the state of the economy finding a teaching job is difficult, but I am determined.
Every once in a while I get what I call itchy feet, which means that I have a great urge to move someplace new where I’m not known and start my life over. The feeling I have includes a lot of anxious feelings. With my new teaching degree it will be easier for me to find a job in a new location and start anew. While I search for teaching jobs, I’ve included some different states in my search; including Montana, Wyoming, and Idaho. A change of scenery is what I need right now, I think part of this has to do with how depressed I get over the holiday season.
I know that this isn’t a very cheerful update… But I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
